I spend a week in Palm Springs with my sister and my parents trying to figure out what to do next. My dad is afraid that I will get nothing and that my plans won't work out. He wants me to get an attorney (I'm a paralegal and he is a lawyer so I don't think this is necessary). I think I can do it myself because I used to do bankruptcy and divorce as a paralegal when I was younger. I think that is why I thought about getting a separation agreement. I'm really glad that I got one because during the summer before we got a final agreement, things were very much up in the air. We are also broke and I know that an attorney is just going to be an extra expense. Filing is around $300 and then I have to go to two separate classes (one for divorce and kids and another for not having an attorney represent you. I leave Palm Springs thinking I am in a good place and that after his hospital experience, he is ready to start working at our marriage and make his apologies for messing up. Boy, was I wrong. But I digress.
I arrive home to love and kisses. My daughter is home now, too and we are trying to move on. Before she gets back from New Orleans, I sit down with David and make sure he brings home divorce papers. I have him sign off on the Separation Agreement I have to make on my own (not sure if it is a legally binding agreement at this point). He isn't really helping with anything and keeps saying he doesn't want to get divorced and wants to be with his family now. I want to make sure it is all legally binding so I get all the divorce papers signed around and go down to file around the first part of April (only about 3 weeks after all this came to light). All my friends and some of my family thought I was crazy to move so quickly but I was acting on my gut and my gut was telling me that this life he said he wanted to continue to build with me was a lie. I have since learned that my gut never lets me down. Listen to you gut. While I was in Palm Springs, my sister suggested that I get a reading from our friend, Patti. She does astrological readings and I gave her a call.
We schedule a call and I go and try to find a quiet place for us to talk (which is nearly impossible in this little house plus my daughter has a friend over and they are watching movies in the next room). I try to talk quietly but I'm sure some of it was overheard??? I actually liked the reading, which says better days are coming and financial security is coming in the next few months as well as a definite shift for the better within 3 years. If we stay together it will end up like we are ghosts living in the same house but not really together. The relationship is over and I need to take care of myself. He has been lying to me and I will discover many more lies over the next few months. Well, at least I can count on financial security.
I ponder over the divorce filing and wonder if I am doing the right thing. I decide to ride things out and see what happens. If it works out, I can always get remarried but for now, I work at making things pleasant at home and hope that we can work things out. I don't want to hate anyone. I also don't want to be with someone that doesn't want me. I want to end things as friends if nothing else. I want him to be able to still care for us so he won't completely abandon us for this woman.
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